Follow Your Heart?

A frank evaluation of my heart.

(Your gracious responses to my earlier posts have been so encouraging. Thanks for responding and sharing! I am so grateful to be reminded of how many “tribes” I’ve been a part of. I love you all, dear friends!)

I remember my college buddy’s intensity and earnestness as he looked me in the eye and patted my chest over my heart and asked, “What is your heart telling you to do?”

It wasn’t the first time I had encountered such direction as I faced a cross road in my life. But it was the first time I felt it so deeply. It isn’t lost on me that I don’t even remember what mission critical, life altering decision I was considering. I mean, I was twenty after all and every decision at that age is life or death, right?

Truth is I wasn’t sure what my heart was telling me and the advice left me with mixed emotions. On the one hand I felt empowered that the choice was mine to make, I was the captain of my ship, the author of my own fate. On the other hand, there was no safety net and the glory or the consequence would be all mine.

But, I was still young and naive enough to think I could figure it all out and make the perfect choice. Nearly three decades later, I have earned enough wisdom the hard way to know better. In those intervening years, I have learned so much about my own heart, more than anyone on earth, especially since I have kept its secrets for fear that if they were exposed I would not be accepted by anyone, even God. (That’s a stupid statement to unpack another day.).

Here’s what I have discovered about my heart in three decades:

All too often my heart is like a broken compass or, for you younger folks, it’s like a GPS with no signal. Much of the time it doesn’t even know where it is, much less how to decide which way to go.

My heart is like trying to herd wet cats in a thunderstorm – very unconvinced it needs help and terribly unwilling to take direction.

My heart is like an unruly, illogical, tantrum-throwing toddler. Its a tiny, demanding dictator. It’s constantly begging me to trust it. You know, like, “Please just a small cup of water, I am dehydrated. I can’t sleep without it. I promise I won’t wet the bed!” We know how that turns out. How can one tiny human produce so much water?

My heart has convinced me that I must do more and be better for God to love me. My heart has convinced me I could walk on the razors edge of sin and destruction without consequence. My heart has been soft to the opinions of man and hard to the truths of God. My heart has been cold, prideful, self-centered, vengeful, contentious, wayward, lustful, spiteful, unforgiving and a thousand other adjectives I wish weren’t true. At best my heart is well intentioned and misinformed. At worst my heart is a stone cold liar.

My heart needs a trustworthy shepherd. My heart needs a North Star. My heart needs guardrails. My heart needs one of those toddler leashes! My heart needs a healthy dose of Ritalin. My heart needs a calm voice of truth and reason.

Anybody else? Maybe it’s just me.

I cannot count my heart trustworthy enough to be followed. I cannot even trust myself to lead my heart. I suspect I am not alone. I can trust my Shepherd to lead it though. I can trust He is able and good and right and willing. I can trust that He knows every deep dark secret in my heart and loves me anyway. I can trust He will put people in my life to help me decipher His leading.

“Follow your heart” sounds good and is well intentioned. I have said it to myself and others and meant well. But, it’s bad, lazy advice. It’s easy to say just do whatever you want. It’s hard work to lean in and say do what God wants.

Let’s fight the fight together. Let’s keep the toddler, aka little dictator, in check. Let’s let the One who made all things, make all things new in us. Let’s let the Shepherd replace our heart of stone with a heart of flesh.

Your fellow sojourner,
Carl