Give The Eulogy While They’re Still Alive

Eulogy is a compound word that comes from two Greek words meaning “good word”. So it’s fitting that a speech in remembrance of a person at a funeral is called a eulogy.

During my pastoral ministry, funerals became a cherished opportunity to serve people. I’ve always loved to tell a good story and what better reason to craft a good story than to honor a person’s live and serve their loved ones. Even when I didn’t know the person well, I tried my best to ask enough questions and gather enough information to deliver a well spoken good word.

The first funeral I ever took part in was for my grandmother. I was 19 and had not yet even considered pastoral ministry. I gave the eulogy. It was intensely personal. I talked about her love of birds, how she helped so many people and told some great stories. We laughed. We cried. We thought.

A few years after I led my first funeral, I settled on a good philosophy for funerals. I decided Jimmy Valvano’s famous advice for a great day also applied to a good funeral. So, I made it my aim to give people an opportunity to laugh, an opportunity to cry and an opportunity to think at every funeral.

Through the years, I have watched hundreds of families come to life as all three of those things happened during the eulogy.

Through the years I have led and attended many funerals and I have discovered something. When a person dies people tend to remember and speak a rose colored version of a person’s legacy. I guess it’s appropriate not to be disrespectful at a time like this, right?

I’ve also noticed that many times loved ones will share their regret that they did not spend more time with their deceased loved one or they left something unsaid. They wish they had given forgiveness or told them I love you more.

It makes me think. Why do we wait until a person is dead to give the eulogy? Why do we wait until a person is dead to focus on their good instead of their faults? Why do we leave things unsaid?

Why don’t we speak the eulogy while they are still alive? Why don’t we tell people how we feel about them while we still can? Why don’t we brag on their best qualities while they can have the joy of hearing it? What difference would it make in their lives and our lives?

Over the last few months, I have written many eulogies on this blog. I’ve tried to speak hope and life into many people. Here’s what I have discovered.

People are surprised when you genuinely look them in the eye and tell them you love them and you are proud of them and list the reasons why.

People are often uncomfortable receiving such affirmation.

People are often moved to tears when someone speaks a good word over them.

People smile broadly when you affirm them for something they deeply value.

You can see life being breathed into people when you speak a good word.

Listen I’m pretty new to this speaking good words over the living myself. I tend to speak most about the negative. But for a few months I’ve been very intentional to speak a good word. I’ve tried to start with my family. I watched my kids beam with pride. I’ve watched my mom moved to tears. I’ve also been intentional with friends. It’s amazing to see their reactions. Heck I’ve even affirmed strangers.

It’s pretty easy.

“You’re a good mom. I see all the work you put in and how you love your family.”

“Your smile lights up the whole room”

“Thank you for taking such good care of mom. You’re so patient and compassionate.”

“You look beautiful today”

“You handled that disgruntled customer with such poise and grace. It’s tough to not take it personally but you took it in stride and never lost your smile.”

“You have such positive energy. It’s clear you don’t just think about yourself and genuinely care about those around you”

“I can hear God saying well done good and faithful servant about you”

“Thank you for loving me the way you do”

“I’m proud of you”

“I love you”

The list goes on.

Join me on this mission. Let the people closest to you know how much you love them and give the eulogy while you still can face to face. As you go through your day look around and speak a good word to those whose eyes have lost their life. It doesn’t have to be perfectly worded or flowery. Just be genuine. Share from your heart.

Speak hope.

Speak love.

Speak life.

I bet two things will happen. The people you speak to will have their lives changed. Your life will be changed.

Let me know how it goes.

Your fellow sojourner,

Carl